Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tips on How to Get a Wingwoman
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Maintaining the Genuine Love
To maintain the genuine love for each other are as follows: First spending quality time with your partner, in a way that your partner would feel that even if you are very busy with your work you still have time for your partner to discuss about your family and your children's future. Second is having a constant date with your partner so that the intimacy of your relationship will not get lessen. Through dating everyday, you can fill the love cup of your partner; it is good to fill the love cup of your partner everyday so that it will not get drained. And the third one is giving some materials that your partner like, just like for example flowers, chocolates and some other stuffs that your partner would feel that you love you them and you still think about her/him even if you have a busy day everyday.
It is vital to maintain your genuine love as well as the genuine love of your partner for your relationship will get stronger and firm. Also, always be there beside him/her. Couples nowadays are splitting for the reason that their partner no longer has any love towards them and when their partner needs them, they are not there beside their partner.
Friday, August 20, 2010
How to Start a Conversation With a Girl - Stop Looking Nervous Around Her
The fact remains that you cannot learn how to start a conversation with a girl instantaneously, particularly if you are used to be surrounded by guys in your office or college. Obviously, practicing with a lot of girls can help, but the negative responses will stress you out. The right way to do it is practicing with lots of girls or women whom you do not have any romantic interest with. They may not attractive or hot, but the aim here is making yourself at ease around the opposite sex.
Here's what you should do: scale any girl you meet from 1-10 (I'm sure you have done that on regular basis) and pick whoever you feel comfortable to speak with and make an effort to strike a conversation. Let's say you give "six" to the waitress at a cafe and don't feel nervous around her. Go ahead and try to chat with her about her work, what she does when she is not at the workplace, and so on. In time, you'll want to keep raising the "level" of the girl while still being comfortable around them.
Before long, you'll learn how to start a conversation with a girl without being anxious or scared of being rejected; you may even have talked to an "8" girl easily. Naturally, trying to start a conversation with a girl whom you attracted with will pose different challenge, yet at this point you have got accustomed to be around women and you need to preserve that feeling.
Your body language can betray you, so ensure that you do this: keep upright posture as you walk to her, keep eye contact, and make sure that she sees you coming. Do not use submissive body language and tones like you are pleading her to accept you and do not show that you are nervous. The signs of nervousness are keep evading eye contact or playing with keys, matches, or other small objects in your hands.
To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back
To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back
To get your ex boyfriend back, you have to know a few things: what goes on inside his head; how to push his emotional buttons; know how to make him commit after you have him back.
He rejected you and that is why you want him back. It's a difficult thing to be rejected but you can reverse the situation with a couple of tricks to make him think that HE was the one rejected! One is a phone call that you don't have time for. No begging allowed, just wanted to say 'hi' but I'm quite late for an appointment. Hoping you're ok. That is like a trip-wire to him. He's going to expect begging, pleading, etc., to get him back. Oh, by the way, no crying either during the call. That's a sure-fire turn-off for him and could possibly remind him of the last time you were together.
Something else to avoid is calling his mother, unless you have a great relationship with her and you two have previously talked about the relationship and possibly have seen 'it' coming. This is not to say that eventually you'll be able to utilize that relationship with his mother but not initially.
As well, be cautious about what friends of his you talk to. If they are HIS friends, you KNOW that they'll be making a bee-line to him after your conversation. And that is most likely to go sour in a hurry so be extremely careful of friends of his that you strike up a conversation with.
Monday, August 16, 2010
How to Attract a Great Guy - Get a Boyfriend in No Time
Have you been on the dating scene long enough and you want to move onto something more worthwhile? Have you attracted only losers and you'd like to find a way to get the attention of that really great guy? Do you think your tactics might need an overhaul and you need to find something new to do? Take a look at this article and give these tips a try. You're sure to see a change in your love life.
Dress the Part
Many women want to be loved for who they are inside and not how they appear. While that might be a great thought, in reality men will make a partial judgment based on how you look. They're really looking at the overall impression you give and if you're looking neglected and frumpy, it doesn't set you in a favorable light. Put a little effort into it and make sure you always look presentable at the least and flat out great as often as you can.
Boost Your Level of Confidence
When you look great, you feel great. You'll catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window and your confidence will soar even higher and this will be reflected in your smile, your stride and in the way your eyes connect with the people around you. This can be very intoxicating to the guys you meet. Your confidence should also show a complete lack of desperation, so don't suddenly fall to your knees when that cute guy comes up to talk to you.
Get out Into the World
Sitting at home pining over your love life isn't going to help you much. Go out and think foremost about the fun you'll have. When you're enjoying yourself you give off a positive vibe that guys just love. Before long he'll want to join in the fun. Without the pressure of actually becoming your boyfriend, he can have fun with you as he gets to know you. This is a great way to subtly and gently guide a guy into love.
How To Impress A Girl
* Have a good attitude because girls don’t like guys who flaunt. Be modest and don’t attempt to impress everyone. Guys, slightly inclined towards good humor, are liked by girls.
* Show respect towards everyone and give them their space; this will fetch your respect from them too. Especially with girls, showing respect works even better.
* Have healthy conversations and don’t speak too much before girls. Speak in moderation; the other person should not feel that you’re not interested and also don’t speak in excess so that he/she doesn’t get time to speak.
* Prefer talking on topics of common interest. Girls don’t like guys who talk about themselves only. Show interest in her speech. Ask her about her interests like hobbies, favorite books, music, etc. If she starts asking you about yours, speak briefly and again focus on her interests.
* Try to flirt. If you both make an eye contact, just pass a smile. Perhaps she will get blushed or start looking away, but don’t react. Remember you don’t have to stare her down. If she likes you, she will definitely give glances.
* Always respect her opinion and ideas, and don’t criticize her. Give her compliments and never talk anything disgraceful to her friends.
* Be romantic, but not in excess. If you’ve been dating for a month, you can attempt a romantic gesture. For example, hold her hand while looking in her eyes or get down on your knees to bow her.
* Start speaking with her casually. If you don’t know the girl, start friendly conversation. Ask for the time, and praise her watch.
* Make an effort to get her attention to your plus points and away from negative points, remember to be original.
* Don’t tell her straightaway that you like her. Ask her out. If she refuses, don’t take any tensions. You can change the style and say ‘Oh! Actually we friends are planning to go on a dinner; I thought that you might like to join us”.
* Don’t get stick to her. Give her some time and like this, you’ll definitely get her attention
Sunday, August 15, 2010
cheek kiss- a flirting tip
Flirting Tips for Girls
2. Be supportive, be there when he/she needs someone to cheer them on, or someone to comfort them in a dark time.
3. (HEY, THIS IS A GUY,S TIP) Don,t be too touchy. I mean, if you,re starting to notice she likes you, maybe brush a piece of her hair out of her face casually, then pretend it never really happened and continue your chat. But nothing really...suggestive.
4. Be confident! Or at least, pretend you are. No one will ever be attracted to someone who,s hiding in the corner. (And don,t slouch.)
5. Don,t EVER brag. EVER. Be modest about accomplishments.
6. Don,t try to be cool. You usually end up making a fool of yourself. Just be you.
7. Don,t worry about what you,re going to say. Just cheerfully say, "Hi!" and see where things go.
8. RESPECT yourself. And your crush too. Respect teachers, parents, the elderly, etc. You will attract nice people.
9. NEVER, NEVER let yourself fall for someone who,s just simply hot. Evaluate their character seriously. Love doesn,t just "happen".
10. Dress well. I don,t mean ,wear a suit/dress all day,, I mean wear clean clothes, wear clothes that FIT, etc. I trust you see where I,m going with this.
11. Most of all, be yourself. Don,t pretend to be like anyone else.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Why Do Men Disappear?
Guys live in the moment. If they are attracted to you, they will jump in, hope to sleep with you and worry about how they feel about you later. Women go into a date usually hoping of long term. A man is not thinking of commitment on those first dates. He is thinking about fun. A man if not seriously into you, gets distracted and missing. That is when the men disappear.
So often the woman will question him. Where is this going? When will I see you again? We even start creating romantic fantasies in our heads. Walks in the moonlight, quiet evenings together cuddling. We are moving forward, yet all of a sudden we realize they are standing still.
A man disappears when he starts feeling the woman pushing forward or sensing she may want more. He may stick around for a while and we see this as leading us on. In his mind, he is justified because he probably gave you enough hints that you ignored. Maybe he didn't call you or keep in touch that often. Maybe he even told you he wanted to take it slow. In his mind, this should tell you he is not serious and that is a hint you should take. It doesn't matter that he was a true Romeo on the dates, you should know better in his mind.
Those hints he drops that we often ignore justifies a man when he disappears. He thinks he has done nothing wrong. When a man says he is busy at work, he is not ready, the timing is bad, along with many other excuses for not stepping up, believe him. He has the potential to be one of the men who disappear
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Attractive Wife Dating - Tips on Easily Dating Married Women
Are you a guy looking for a casual intimate encounter? Even with all the available dating sites out there nowadays, finding a woman for a casual encounter can be a struggle. So many other guys are looking for a woman too. And there are only so many females to go around! The solution can be hot wife dating and in the next few paragraphs you will learn how to meet as many married women as you want.
It is a fact: most guys are looking to date or hookup with a single woman. Less complications. This is good news for you. Why? It means that most guys are avoiding married women. Less competition for you. A single woman on a dating site might get a few hundred offers each day from different guys. A married would might only get one or two; one of which can be from you.
If this fails to convince you to seek out hot wife dating, then consider this: Married women actually want casual intimate encounters. They want what you want! Single women, on the other hand, will always have a relationship in the back of their minds. A married woman wants a discreet affair with no strings. This is perfect for you, looking for a casual encounter.
The last fact that will convince you to seek out married women is all about standards and willingness to accept. A married woman has less men from whom to choose, unlike single women who have thousands. This means a married woman must lower her standards of acceptance. You will find it is much easier to become accepted by a married woman. Not only is this because they have less men from whom to choose but it is also because they are only looking for one thing, a casual encounter; they are not looking for a good provider, or a guy who is good with children, or someone who is ambitious; they just want a nice guy.
If you are finding it a struggle to find a woman for a casual encounter, try hot wife dating. Get yourself a free membership to a big dating site. You can do everything with a free membership: search profiles, send and receive messages, add friends. You do not even need a credit card. Search for married women in your area and add them ass friends and send some messages. Pretty soon you will have more potential dates than you can handle!
Monday, August 9, 2010
What Do Men Want in a Relationship?
One can say women are just as confused due to their new found power especially when it comes to relating with men. Relationships have ceased to be what they were in the good old days. The attributes men look for in a relationship are becoming increasing difficult to find, leaving them searching wildly.
Contrary to the popular opinion among women, what men want in a relationship are really simple attributes. Men are not complex in fact they are really simple in their needs. They are just confused right now because they find women behaving really strange nowadays – to the extent that they can no longer find their ideal partner with ease.
Sercret Tips For Proposing a Girls
- Do a little homework. Get to know your girl well, before you pop the question. Get to know her interests, her dislikes, and her general nature that will help you plan your proposal in a better way. If she is shy and an introvert, propose when you two are alone. If she is sporty and loves adventure, then take her for rock climbing and propose when you reach at the top.
- The age old way of going down on knees in public is still the best way to propose a girl. Don’t try this idea with a shy and introvert girl as she might find it difficult to reciprocate as it could be embarrassing.
- Words matter a lot to girls if said genuinely or else they can easily figure out the topping of gloss you have added and will be unaffected. If you can write well, write a poem for her and record it in a CD. Play it while you are together and see her melting.
- All girls love flowers. So get a huge bouquet of roses and tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you. Tell her you would like to spend the rest of your life with her or alone. Be ready to be smothered by a genuinely happy woman's hug!
- Gestures have a great role to play in proposing a girl as they take a quick notice of it. Show your gentle, protective and emotional dependence nature while you are around her and mean it too. Girls fall for guys with these qualities and there will be no ground for rejection when you will propose her.
- Appreciate her for what she is. Tell her "you look beautiful" when she does not have any make up on. Tell her she looks amazing when she is having a bad day and mean it. She will love you for it and will readily agree when you propose. Just don't overdo it, as it will look fake.
- Girls love to be pampered so when you intend to propose, make sure you are chivalrous enough to make her feel special and at the same time not look vulnerable. Women want a strong man, not a wimp.
- You can even propose the girl at a place where you first met or a place you have fond memories of as these places have an association attached to it that will give less chance to her for refusal.
- Don't force her to say yes. The worst you can do is to push her around and threaten her dignity. Tell her to take her time and that you shall wait. Be a gentleman and respect her. Incase she doesn't want a relationship; she will let you know of it then and there.
- Gifting is necessary to propose a girl; flower gift, chocolate gift or any personalized love gift would serve the purpose.
- Valentines Day is an ideal time to propose your love to a girl. Buy a bouquet of valentine flower and ask her to accept your love proposal.
- Everyone has certain skill, such as humor, wit, talkativeness etc. While dating a girl, you must utilize any of your best talent. Your skill would play key role in proposing a girl.
- There are no institutions or coaching classes for proposing a girl. You need to socialize a lot and enhance your communication level. This is the best way to express your love to a girl.
- It would be advisable to be a good listener. You must listen to the other person attentively. This feature of yours would be an added advantage for you while proposing a girl.
- You must be there at times of her need. Girls are always considered weak as compare to guys. Thus, you must offer her physical protection. But, apart from physical protection, another thing must be considered. It is the emotional dependence. Girls always have a liking for emotionally supportive guys.
- Girls always have a liking for humorous guys. Humor is the ultimate way from getting rid of tension. This also relaxes one's mood.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
How Can I Tell If My Boyfriend Is Right For Me?
As a girl, you might have those Sunday afternoon thoughts about “is my boyfriend a good match for me?” Usually just an unconscious thought, but it can get you thinking. So what are the ways in which you can judge if your present boyfriend is right for you, in terms of a long-term relationship?
He makes you laugh – If your boyfriend does not make you laugh it won’t be long before you find that the relationship has gotten a little too “serious” and boring. Most guys have a good sense of humor, but that’s not what is being talked about here. It’s about how cheerful you feel in his company. He does not have to be cracking jokes and commenting all the time, but it’s just about the vibe you feel when you talk to him. So you know you can trust him to make you feel relaxed, and cheery, most of the times.
He makes you cry – They say that true love is “bitter sweet”, what this means is that when you really love someone you get to taste the sweetness and bitterness of the emotion. When you are really in love, it’s normal to feel “pain” along with the pleasure. You miss him, you “fight” with him, you get jealous, you get into arguments, you hate him at times, you feel like kicking him at times but all along you can’t stop loving him either. This is what makes for a “spicy” relationship, and it’s the spice that makes a relationship go the course. If your boyfriend has never made you cry, it won’t be long because you start feeling that there is something “missing”.
He does not cheat on you – When a guy cheats on a girl, it’s evident that he does not respect her status in his life as his girlfriend. There can be no depth to a relationship which is based on a lie. So if you ever catch your boyfriend cheating on (even in subtle ways), it’s a sign that your relationship has gone “luke warm”. It need not just be a sex affair, something as simple as flirting with other girls while in your company can be taken to be a sign of “cheating”. You need to decide if you find him “genuine” in his love for you.
He has his own life – It’s so important that a guy is “self occupied”. Any guy who does not know what to do with his life, is going to be a nuisance to the girl. It’s true that guys go through phases in their life when they are clueless about where they are heading and what they want to do, this is usually the time when relationship goes for a toss. Unless your boyfriend is happy with “his” life, he will not be able to keep you happy in the relationship. He has to find something that he “loves” other than you, or else he will become too needy for your love and attention which will in turn push you away from him.
You don’t feel like cheating on him – If your boyfriend is right for you, then you will not feel like “flirting” with other guys or cheating on him. Girls who cheat on their boyfriend are usually the ones who have lost “attraction” for him. For a girl it’s quite impossible to be in love and “cheat” at the same time (It’s not that true for guys though). Of course, it’s fine to have a few “oh my god, what a hunk”, thoughts about another guy, but if it goes beyond it, then there is a problem. Basically, your “attraction factor” is the index of how much your boyfriend means to you, the more attracted you are to him the less you notice other guys.
You feel comfortable in his company – If your boyfriend gives off a “weirdo” alarm in you ever so often, then it’s indicative that you are not very comfortable in his company. Many girls find it “offsetting” to see the sexual inclinations, or fantasies, that their boyfriend has. Some are uncomfortable with the sexual demands, or roles, asked of them. In a relationship, it’s really important that you don’t feel exploited, used or manipulated. You should feel genuinely relaxed and comfortable in the company of your boyfriend; this is a true indicator of how “right” he is for you.
Trust your intuition – Girls have a very useful “radar” inbuilt within called their “gut” intuition. This radar is pretty good at scanning circumstances and giving “truth” alarms every now and then. Learn to trust your intuition as a girl, it’s a gift of nature to help protect and safe guard yourself. Sometimes you might be with someone, who your friends don’t approve of, but your intuition says that he’s the one for you – trust your intuition more than your friends. Love is “invisible” and can only be judged by something equally invisible, like your intuition.
These tips should help you tell if your boyfriend is right for you. When in doubt, always check in on your intuition and trust it.
Top 10 Cute Nicknames For Your Boyfriend
1.) Handsome, Good looking or Sexy: These names would light any guy's day as they give him an assurance that you find him handsome and attractive.
2.) Ace or Chief: Is your boyfriend asking you to do something for him? What better way to respond than to call him the 'Chief'?
3.) Movie Star, Hero, Superstar, Superman, Tarzan: Goes without saying that every one wants to be a movie star. Give him the feel of it by using this nickname.
4.) Big guy: Would suit perfectly if your boyfriend is tall and well built
5.) Snuggleable, Cuddles, Cuddly Bear or Honey Bear : This is a cute nickname to tell a man that you love to be close to him all the time.
6.) Hot Chocolate, Hot Lips or Hot Stuff: A perfect cute nick name for any tall, dark and handsome man. Irrespective of these traits, any man would love to hear the word hot chocolate coming their girlfriend.
7.) Honey, Love, Lover, My Beloved, My Life, My World, Soul Mate, Lifemate: Tell your man that you find him sweet and attractive by using any of these nicknames. Great way to say that he is the man.
8.) Tiger: Any guy would love to hear his girl calling him tiger. The word tiger is synonymous with power which men love to have. If you can make a male feel important, the man is yours for the taking.
9.) Hunk, Hunky, Stud, Super Stud, Playboy, Romeo or Dirty Boy: Not used very often, but any man would love to get this nickname from his girl. After all what could be more flattering than the fact that you consider him a stud?
10.) My Prince, Prince Charming or King: Adorable nickname for your boyfriend that gives a sense of power.
How to impress his parents ?
It's quite a gesture on his part and one that might suggest some commitment. Not only that, but here's an opportunity to gauge your boyfriend's prospective hairline count by seeing his father's. Of course, you'll be assessed for suitability to continue the family bloodline. Just display some proto-mothering skills in the kitchen and the rest only calls for a good balance between being yourself and best behaviour.
Sniff out background information in advance. Are they strict or relaxed? Will it be lunch for 20 on the verandah and dinner in tails, or TV dinners and hourly altercations? Any no-go conversational topics (e.g. neighbours from hell, black sheep) and any specialist subjects?
Rather boringly, it's best to dress on the conservative side. Present yourself as a fine, upstanding young lady, and lure them in with elegant presentation. Overdressing is un-relaxing for you and intimidating to them, while any scruffy or ripped clothes will prompt 'youth of today' accusations. Packing both smart and casual outfits should cover you for all eventualities.
It's handshakes and Mr/Mrs to you until invited otherwise. Remember, their rulebook is older than yours. Failing to take a present is an oversight by their book and a wasted chance for brownie points. Nothing too adventurous, so a plant and a decent bottle of wine will suffice; be more original if you dare.
You may detect hostility from the mother for threatening to take away her boy, but ignore awkward passive aggression and be the pro-houseguest. Step up interpersonal skills and table manners, and affect total disinterest in your mobile. Mucking in is imperative and serves as a good icebreaker. Take the initiative with basic chores, so don't offer to wash up, just do it. Never try to compete with the mother - let her rule her domestic roost.
Resist all inclinations to lean on your boyfriend, but follow his lead. Observe how relaxed he is and then step up the formality slightly. What might be normal for him (e.g. swearing, eating from the fridge) isn't for you.
Getting more drunk than the parents could raise an eyebrow or two, while angry hangovers are never the mark of a girl good enough for their boy. That said, a little sherry tipsiness all round can be a bonding moment, but beware of the situational overdose and refrain from any entwinement with your boyfriend; keep that rulebook forever in your sights.
Well-informed conversation with a bite of opinion is the ticket. Modestly promote yourself; you have interesting friends, brilliant parents, a great career. Avoid controversy but, if someone else brings it up, gently embrace it.
Debate with reason, but don't take parents to task. Never gang up on your boyfriend to get other family members on side and note that gushing compliments will ring out as creepy and insincere. Never whinge about the injustices of your life.
If you are sharing a bedroom with your boyfriend, be super-discreet. If in separate rooms, your boyfriend should do the bed-hopping. Only he can steal down unlit corridors and avoid creaking floorboards and alarm systems; only he should face the music if caught.
Afterwards, write a thank you letter within a week. When debriefing with your boyfriend, note double standards. He's allowed to criticise his parents, but you are not.
Hold your horses before taking him home to your parents. If you're uneasy about calling him 'your boyfriend', then it's too soon. He'll be scared off, while your parents will sense the strain and may wrongly disapprove of him.
Warn him of any family oddities or off-limits behaviour. Prime him on their pet hates and weak spots and ask your parents to leave all the ugly-duckling evidence in the closet.
Take the lead, but let him assert his own presence and personality. Don't tease him, embarrass him or dent his male pride. Offer some guidance and keep an eye out for pitfalls. Remember, the spotlight is on him and, for most of us, that's not much fun.
Tips for Men on How to Keep a Woman Happy
If you think you already know what makes a woman happy, some of these relationship tips may still prove to be useful for you.
One of the first things you need to be aware of is that you should always be yourself. Woman are much more attracted to men who display a lot of self confidence because men who believe in themselves are oh so very sexy. I am sure you have seen guys that are none too attractive with a beautiful woman and this is because she is attracted to his self esteem and personality, which actually make an ugly guy look attractive to some women.
Remember, it's the little things that really count. If you know she needs help with something, just do it without asking because she will feel like you really do notice what is going on and she will love you for it. Vacuum her car out. Buy a bag of her favorite candy. Just give her a single flower.
Woman do notice and appreciate these things.
Don't ever take a woman for granted but rather let her know everyday, or at least whenever you are with her, that she is special to you and you want to be with her and noone else. It really is okay to look but don't make a big deal out of how stunning the woman at the next table is, etc.
A woman wants to feel like she is the most beautiful in the room in your eyes so if you want to keep your woman happy, make sure she feels that way.
Make her laugh. Woman love a man with a good sense of humor even though a lot of men seem to think that it is good looks that attract a woman. If you can make a woman laugh, she will be much more likely to feel connected to you and want to stick around.
Does she have an interest in something you don't really care to much for? Offer to spend some time with her doing what ever she really enjoys because she'll think you are one of a kind if you take an interest in things that she really likes.
Don't start getting lazy about how you do look just because you think she's yours. A woman still likes to be with a man who smells and looks good so shower, shave and put on her favorite after shave or cologne and your chances of having her all over you are greatly increased. Trust me, a woman can't resist a man that smells really good.
When she invites you to meet her family and friends make sure you at least try to make a good impression. You don't need to hang all over her but make sure they know you really are into her, while at the same time being yourself and getting to know everyone. Hang out with the guys for a while because a woman likes to see the man she is into getting to know her male friends and family. You know the guy bonding thing. It let's her know that you really do plan on hanging around for a while, if not longer.
Try to be aware of how she is feeling because unfortunately woman sometimes go through some emotional days. If you are sensitive to whatever she may be going through, she will be aware of it and will definitely appreciate that you care enough to pay attention.
Once you have been dating a while and you feel like you have fallen into a routine you might want to liven things up by trying something new. Surprise her with a new adventure that just the two of you will share or if it's something you can include your friends with all the better. Just try new things every once in a while to keep your relationship from getting boring for either one of you. New adventures are also just another way of bonding and making lasting memories together.
Some of these relationship tips for men may seem obvious but it really is easy to start to take a woman for granted and let your relationship become stale so keep some of these things in mind and it could make a big difference in your love life.
Wake up with a smile everyday and you are sure to attract more of the things (including the woman) that you want in life.
The magic of making up can give you some more insights into all kinds of different relationships so you may want to check it out yourself if you really want to be better at all of your relationships.
Now you wonder why women hate men
I once went out with a guy so well-groomed and so ideal, that my friend Alexandra took to calling him “The World’s Most Coveted Man.” The difference between TWMCM and Joe the Asshole, however, is that the former character wasn’t an asshole. Just full of himself.
I can deal with arrogance. After all, I went to school next door to Morehouse College, where arrogance is a main component of the core curriculum. Joe is a Morehouse Man. But he’s not traditionally arrogant. He is, however, traditionally jackassinine.
What makes Joe The Quintessential Asshole is his finesse for mistreating and manipulating women–for being just that–an asshole. Many men, I’ve noticed, can insult you, your intellect, or your looks; can make far-reaching sexist or misogynistic statements; can ignore your phone calls, or ignore you in public; can verbally or physically abuse you; and more. But Joe would never do any of that, because those acts are too obvious, as well as too harsh. Joe is a smooth asshole, a subtle asshole; he is, indeed, a charming asshole.
I first met him a few years ago through a friend. And of course, he pretended to be interested in me. Joe is one of those men whom everyone wants, but who is intentionally and invariably elusive. Not because he is so great or superior that he can’t connect with other human beings; but because being unreachable, untouchable, and unattainable are his goals in life. He gets great joy at seeing others suffer: schadenfreude. I think, however, that those others are entirely comprised of women.
What I remember about my interactions with him, over the last few years: he is incredibly flirtatious, but not with everyone. He picks a few people to focus on, but focuses on them uniformly, without personalizing his interactions. Once, we were at a party, dancing together, and he suddenly walked off, leaving me completely by myself, leaving me to feel awkward. He gets great joy from seeing this kind of thing.
I saw him recently at an event, and throughout our conversation, he again kept walking off, as if he had somewhere of infinite importance to be or someone of infinite importance to speak with. He refused to engage.
Now admittedly, it takes a certain kind of woman to fall for this kind of foolishness, and I used to be that kind of woman. I used to feel validated and uplifted by men’s attention even (or especially) if those men were complete losers. I think a lot of women have this problem (see my post N.E.R.D – No One Ever Remembers Dorks). But that doesn’t excuse the behavior of men who thrive off of belittling women.
At this point, I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly was so terrible about Joe. Did he ever hit me? Did he ever yell at me, criticize me, stand me up, or insult me? No, no, and no–and that’s why he’s such a great asshole. It’s also why so many women suffer in debilitating relationships, because they know something is wrong, but they can’t exactly articulate to others, or even to themselves, what that something is.
Most people seem to think that Bad Men are the ones who are abusive. Who treat you like shit, who are uncaring, emotionally distant, or emotionally tyrannical. But there is a whole other sect of Bad Men who will never do anything to get them arrested, or even criticized by their peers. There is an entire nation of men who support their male chauvinism and hyper-heterosexuality just by offhand comments towards women, by feigning interest in women they know to be weak, and by remaining emotionally uninvolved with every woman they meet, all for the self-obsessed purpose of knowing they “won.”
Whether it’s a man you know is trying to subliminally terrorize you, or, in the case of my poem “Parts of a Flower,” a deadbeat dad whose absence has had permanent repercussions, that pesky feeling of melancholy, or of being used, which you can’t always articulate, and never feel is justified, actually is justified, and perfectly fine to feel. The realm of human emotion can’t be clear-cut, only nuanced. And more importantly, the body–intuition–often knows what the mind does not. Trust yourself.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
How To Be An Amazing Girlfriend Without Being Wonder Woman
Often when we get involved with a man, we start to become comfortable. We stop dressing as well as we once did and leave waxing and other grooming a little bit longer than we should. This is the first step to being amazing. You never want him to see you looking anything other than your best. Yes ladies this means that the fluffy nightwear stays firmly in the closest and the sexy black negligee is neatly folded under the pillow.
This brings us to the next step. You have to have a very active and interesting sex life in order to gain the amazing girlfriend award. Seriously now is the time to be reading Karma Sutra cover to cover and putting some of the easier moves into practice. Men love a great time in bed but they like it even better when they turn their partner on so if he does make it obvious. Yes think the dinner scene from when Harry met Sally! Initiate sex and be open to trying different techniques and positions. Obviously you shouldn’t do anything you are uncomfortable with but forget the missionary position every night. That’s predictable and boring and doesn’t merit the description of amazing.
Let you man out with his friends and don’t call or text to find out where he is or who he is with. Men hate clingy insecure women. They don’t mind you being a little jealous if some glamour puss flirts with him but they expect you to trust them when they are on a night out.
If you want to be a permanent fixture in your man’s life, you need to treat his family and friends with respect. Sure they may not be the people you would chose to socialize with. I am guessing if you were honest, some of your own family wouldn’t meet this criteria either. Your man’s family will be important to him. In fact you should have already checked how he treats his mum as that is a good indication of how he will treat you in years to come.
It may be easy to answer the question how to be an amazing girlfriend but I am not saying that it will always be easy to put it into practice. But if you master at least some of these techniques you have more chance of moving onto the next step in your relationship. If you think that this is all too much effort, you may just find that your man has plenty of other female friends just waiting for the chance to prove they have what it takes to be an amazing girlfriend.
If you love this man and want to be walking down the street holding hands when you are in your twilight years, you need to take action now. Go on – what have you got to lose?
5 Ways To Be Romantic After A Break Up
It can certainly be a challenge, but here are 5 ways to be romantic after a break up that can help you express your feelings. These ideas not only offer the opportunity for romance, but they’ll make your ex feel special which is one of the most important things you can do when you want to get back together.
It’s important to remember, however, that you need to respect your ex’s wishes. If you’re calling and stopping by and they want you to stop, you need to stop. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a romantic gesture.
But your gesture will be better received if you don’t do it immediately. Stop bothering your ex and begging them back. Give them some space without you. After some time has passed, then make one of these romantic gestures which will surprise them and remind them of you.
Tip one:
Send flowers. Don’t do this immediately after you give your ex what they want by contacting them less. Wait a little while then send a bouquet of their favourite flowers and have them delivered. Don’t have them delivered when they’re at work or in front of many other people. Have them delivered at home instead.
And don’t write wishes of getting back together or love on the card that’s attached. Include a message that says something as simple as I hope you’re doing well, or hope you’re okay.
Tip two:
Focus on them. Wait a while and then call or stop by when it feels like it would be okay to do so. But don’t talk about yourself or what you want. Ask if they need anything or if there’s anything that you can help them with. Do this without the pressure of anything in return.
Tip three:
Do something very thoughtful. After some time has passed, send them a thoughtful card or gift that’s obviously just for them. If they have exams coming up or a tough project at work, send a card of encouragement about it without mentioning yourself. For a birthday or any type of occasion, instead of the fancy gift, wash their car or give them something practical to show that you care.
Tip four:
Make a romantic gesture that doesn’t necessarily include you. Surprise them with two tickets to a movie or play designed for them to take someone else. They might just ask you now that the pressure’s off.
Tip five:
Give up something you know they want. Whether it was a CD or anything that belongs to you that you can replace, offer it to them in goodwill. These 5 ways to be romantic after a break up can help your efforts to get back together and make you both feel good.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
7 Tips How To Kiss A Man …
Whether you’ve kissed two, twenty or two hundred men in a lifetime – there’s always room for improvement when it comes to your kissing techniques. When it’s time to pucker up, there tips will definitely get his attention and make him always look forward to the next time that you lean over him (or vice versa) and pucker up!
Tip #1
Make sure that your lips are soft, smooth and kissable
Tip #2
Make sure your makeup is not caked on (men do not like tasting our lipsticks and lipglosses, believe me)
Tip #3
Make sure your breath is fresh, but I did not need to remind you that, right?
Tip #4
Start off slow, but give it some passion too. Tender passion are the 2 words to keep in mind.
Tip #5
Suck on his tongue a bit, lick his lips gently, but just the lips! Make sure you do not cross the line and start licking his chin or nostrils. Wet kisses are the worst!
Tip #6
Use your hands – gently rob his shoulders, or back, or his penis, if you want this kiss to turn into more fun ;)
Tip #7
Make sure that your kiss is about quality, not the time!
64 Ways to Say I Love You
A little relationship advice can go a long way, and so can a list of relationship tips. Specific, practical ways of showing your love for your partner, kids, and friends can increase the communication, connection, and caring in your family. Knowing how to say I love you consistently and sincerely will give you and your lover a natural high!
- Romantic Valentine's Day Gifts for Lovers is a great way to say "I love you" this Valentine's Day.
- For more involved, practical relationship suggestions, try Healthy Ways to Say I Love You.
- If you're curious about expressing your love to your parents who have everything, read Saying I Love You to Mom & Dad - especially on Mother's Day or Father's Day.
64 Ways to Say "I Love You":
- Don't compare them to anyone.
- Be courteous at all times.
- Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt.
- Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).
- Give your full attention when talking.
- Become their biggest fan and cheerleader!
- Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you.
- Tell them how they bring love to your life.
- Laugh about kids quotes on love or events.
- Talk about your day during mealtimes.
- Read books aloud together.
- Say you're sorry.
- Recall good and bad memories.
- Let go of the past to say I love you.
- Do nothing together.
- Encourage health in all its forms.
- Trust your partner enough to cry together.
- Act silly together.
- Be lavish in praise.
- Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts.
- To say I love you, forget about labels.
- Encourage adventures and risks!
- Show your joy when they come home.
- Bake cookies.
- Leave stress at work to say I love you.
- Use flannel sheets in the winter.
- Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku.
- Show your gratitude for them.
- Be a good sounding board.
- To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it.
- Compliment them in front of others.
- Spend time with them.
- Listen.
- Ask for hugs and kisses.
- Take vacations together.
- Tell the truth to say I love you.
- Use pet names to say I love you.
- Practice self-acceptance.
- Hunt for treasure together.
- Be interested in their interests.
- To say I love you, let go of jealousy.
- Accept their weaknesses and flaws.
- Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.
- Be yourself.
- Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes.
- To say I love you, ignore slights.
- Pray or meditate together.
- Practice forgiveness.
- Watch classic movies together.
- Leave notes or send letters.
- To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift.
- Don't gossip or judge.
- Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you.
- Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood.
- Learn something new together.
- Go dancing.
- Keep your promises to say I love you.
- Make them laugh.
- Consider their feelings.
- Learn ways to rekindle the romance.
- Hide a treat in their lunch.
- To say I love you, make home a fun place to be.
- Let them make their own decisions.
- Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
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